I had a dream last night that I was back at Westmont, surprising everyone right before Commencement. Of course, in my dreams the places never look like they do in real life. Westmont was darker and had a lot more buildings. I ran and ran, trying to get to Emerson to see Claire before she left. Naturally this was that super slow, my legs won't move fast enough running that you only experience in your dreams. After so many hugs and laughs from so many beautiful sisters that I miss sincerely, I woke up to the rain pouring down outside my window and tears on my pillow.
I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that everyone's still at Westmont, taking classes, continuing to go through the busyness over there. I've voiced this before, and I will again, it's like I'm in a different world up here.
Last week, Brad Berky told me that we had the minimum number of students confirmed for the Mayterm and he wouldn't get the 'okay' until the end of the week. I didn't feel too concerned, I thought hey, God changed my parents' hearts and provided the finances in a matter of a day, He can do anything to make this trip happen. But to tell you the truth, I couldn't picture myself in Thailand in May. I don't know why, I just couldn't, I just had this feeling.
I lifted up the trip to God, I lifted it up while I was running, while I was working, while I was in class. I knew He could make it happen, but I also knew to pray for His will.
I was eating breakfast before class last week and knowing that I'd receive the answer at the end of the day, I lifted the trip up once more, just asking God for a yes or a no. Just then, one of the women in my house came running up to me, she threw her arms around me and sobbed, saying, 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.' She didn't have to explain, I knew what she meant. Her parents weren't going to financially support her for the Mayterm, we wouldn't have enough students to go.
A calmness came over me. I realized that the feeling I had before was God saying 'no, not now. This isn't my timing.'
So the trip's cancelled, but Brad's looking into having it for next Mayterm.
Surrender.
As easy as it sounds to let it all go, it's so hard. Having a dream of going and learning more about what I'm passionate about, seeing God move in my life to open doors back up that had been shut, only to shut the largest door closed again and trusting that He has a greater reason for this...it's hard.
But this week I surrender. I want God's timing in my life, not mine.
Tears.
I love my housemates. We're all so different, with such vibrant personalities but we all fit together beautifully, like a puzzle. We're definitely a family and am so thankful for each of them in my life. On Monday night, we had community worship in Maddie's room. 11 of us, sprawled out on her floor and bed, in a circle. We listened as Tia gave her testimony. I'm not sure if you know Tia or anything about her past, but it's one of great brokenness, abuse, hurt and loss. While it seemed too much like a movie, so unreal with tragedy after tragedy, there was a light behind every obstacle. Tia's story is such a beautiful example of God's grace and Tia herself is a vibrant example of God's love and light. All of us were touched by her story that night. We were moved to tears, and as Sheldon closed us in prayer, a strong bond formed between us and God's presence was strongly felt in that room. Tears. Not of sorrow or pain, but of joy, of blessings because this sister is in our life and is impacting it everyday.
Community.
I've been telling a few people that I'm 'super busy up here, but non-academically busy'. Lex jokingly pointed out that there's nothing new with that. So true.
I love the Outpost Church, serving at CityCrossroads and forming relationships with everyone in the Bible study there.
I love Reality SF, it has so much more of an intimate feel than SB. My community group is amazing, and I love that it's gotten to the point where I'm familiar with everyone now and in on the inside jokes. It feels like I belong...well it feels like a real community.
"When you look at the inner workings of electrical things, you see wires. Until the current passes through them, there will be no light. That wire is you and me. The current is God. We have the power to let the current pass through us, use us, to produce light of the world, Jesus, in us. Or we can refuse to be used and allow darkness to spread." -Mother Teresa
I pray that you choose everyday to produce light to the world.
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